SP17
Wow. Just like that, I ended my second year of college.
It blows my mind that I am halfway done with my undergraduate career. I am a third year now! Where has the time gone?
This year was weird.
I know I can be more specific, but honestly, "weird" is the perfect word to sum up how this year progressed.
Why "weird?"
I loved my first year of college. I know I've only experienced two years of college, but I don't know if anything could beat first year.
During your first year, everything is new and fresh. Everything amuses you.
Being wide awake at 3am just to play Two Truths & a Lie with an unsober mind, while eating Carne Asada Fries from Vallartas.
Being able to do whatever you want without your parent's permission.
Heck, even being able to wake up in the middle of the day and realizing you missed half your lectures for the day.
Everything was super exciting.
Don't get me wrong-- my second year was a blast.
However, there was something about it that felt off.
I definitely see the difference between first and second year.
I may come off negative, but second year really was good to me!
I tested myself. A LOT.
I honestly felt like I tried super hard to step out of my comfort zone. I have the tendency to look down on myself, invalidating my experiences, accomplishments, and talents. I don't know why.
And I did just that this year. Looking back at the year, I'm just so relieved and humbled. College is hard as fuck. I don't know how I managed to pull through with all these things going on. I pushed myself so much this year. I felt like I was at such a slump, to be honest.
I wanted to be care-free and have so much fun like I did first year, but at the same time, I wanted to actually start getting serious about what I want to do. This mentality just led me to take on this workaholic lifestyle. I just wanted to stay on top of my classes, wanting to read or write all the time. I kept stacking so much more on my plate. If having academics, my sorority, and KP wasn't enough, I added a job and internship to top it all off. I don't know why and I don't know how that ended up happening. I remember coming into second year, telling myself that all I wanted to focus on was school and KP.
I took a leap of faith and realized that I needed to stop downsizing what I can do, and just embrace and continue to sharpen the skills that I have.
What second year taught me was that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. Go nap and watch YouTube videos for the whole day. Treat yourself. Go to that party instead of study for that test on Monday. That slump made me realize that I am still growing and I am still in college. It's okay to just take a breath and have fun! It's okay to FUCK UP. Sometimes I miss first year Kaithleen's mentality.
but
second year Kaithleen made me see that I actually am capable of doing great things. I am so grateful to be at this university, giving the resources I need to learn more about myself and what I want to do and what I want to become. PUT IN WERK, B*TCH.
I want to thank those who are helping me grow and see potential in me. I want to thank those who retain tf out of me here. I want to thank those who constantly check up on me to make sure I was treating myself well, asking me if I've gotten sleep or had food to eat. I want to thank the ones I look up to because y'all inspire me so much through all the work you do and how you've impacted other people's lives.
Second year was memorable nonetheless. I picked up two amazing adings. I was a part of a board full of talented, hardworking leaders. I started dating a pretty awesome guy. I have gotten close to so many people from different spaces that I'm really glad of having in my life. I have cut off relationships that gave such toxic energy to my life. I got high for the first time (LOL that was fun heh). I started working for a super cool job on campus (WOOO UCEN!). I finally went to Tacos El Gordo (ha took me long enough). I gave up meat for Lent and actually survived (ok red meat i cant give up chicken lol). I almost did not make it into SunGod. I continued Adrianne's Kris Kringle line (Never speak of it again pls LMAO). TOP 15 happened wtf. Rowena came alive. I had my very first spoken word performance.
Lastly,
I explored more parts of this beautiful city, while meeting more and more beautiful souls that surround me. I fell more in love with San Diego.
See you in August, UCSD!
Okay, time to hibernate for 4289049823 hours.
Sincerely,
Kaithleen
